Here goes part 10...
Its been 2 weeks mom had fallen sick. Well, her body had been weak all along. She was often caught up with flus and fever but each time when Doctor Sim was here, mummy would be cure within days. This time was different, im sure. Each time Doctor Sim came, his face would be creased up with frowns and all he said to me and Ella was that mummy will be alright. It was like there was nothing much for him to say but onli words of reassurance and console. Doctor Sim thought that I dont understand but I do, im old enough to understand, i understand that this time mama would not be cured and would soon be gone.
I know what i should know, but the adults just simply refused to admit that i had known the worse possible outcome. I wanted to tell Ella that Mummy would soon go to the heavens and she should take care of me from now on. However each time i wanted to tell Ella about that, she will shoo me away, as if im intruding her privacy and room for weeping. However, its as if mummy ever took care of me before.
I know mummy would be gone, and im worry and scared deep down. Im already 10 this year, yet the thought of having someone to leave me was a complete stranger to me. However, mama and I were never close, i realli dont feel the sadness that i should feel. Mama was always in her room, weeping for daddy, for her lovers, for herself and Ella but never for me.
I always wanted her attention, i tried ways, to fell down on purpose, to get into fights but instead of lecturing me or stroking my hair, she would failed me with those words, 'Kids should never get into trouble. Adults should moreover take care of themselves. You are big enough, its your turn to take care of yourself.' I simply cannot find any warmth in these words. SOmetimes, i felt that perhaps im nt important, perhaps my presence is redundunt, perhaps, shes nt my mum after all.
Now mummy was going to be gone, maybe finally, i will feel the lost. Feeling lost means that at least she once meant to me so much or at least without her, i could not accomplish something. Would I? I begin to doubt that question...
-=xQUeenx Profilex=-
-=*Purpose*=-
Age: 17
Bdae: 18/12/88
Sch: Ngee Ann Polytecnic(BS)
Email: ying_energy@hotmail.com
-=*Loves*=-
Colour: Lime Green, Grey, Orange, Blue, white
Food: Chocolates!! Sweet stuff!!
Songs: Jay Chou's New album,FA RU XUE n LANG MAN SHOU JI
-=(wEIRD hAbiT)=-
1. Drink with 2 straws
2. Mus Mus bath when i wake up
3.Cry as and when i like
-=*WishList*=-
1. MP3 Player
2. Everyone enjoying good health
3. Someone owas there for me when im down
4.My stories b apperciated
[[ The Purpose of this Bloglist ]]
Basically, i set up this blog, to express lots of stuff,
Maybe some poems, some stories in series or some plays??
We will see as time goes by, mayb in a week time.
Most importantly, i want somewhere tt i can be sacarstic,
be able to express my truest feelings and philosophy.
Someone gave me the idea and something make me realli do it today.
Hope all of u enjoy this blog!!
xQUeenx
Enting
Eve
Jie
Da creater
[[ Don't talk crap, it's fucking rude ]]
Here goes part 10...
Its been 2 weeks mom had fallen sick. Well, her body had been weak all along. She was often caught up with flus and fever but each time when Doctor Sim was here, mummy would be cure within days. This time was different, im sure. Each time Doctor Sim came, his face would be creased up with frowns and all he said to me and Ella was that mummy will be alright. It was like there was nothing much for him to say but onli words of reassurance and console. Doctor Sim thought that I dont understand but I do, im old enough to understand, i understand that this time mama would not be cured and would soon be gone.
I know what i should know, but the adults just simply refused to admit that i had known the worse possible outcome. I wanted to tell Ella that Mummy would soon go to the heavens and she should take care of me from now on. However each time i wanted to tell Ella about that, she will shoo me away, as if im intruding her privacy and room for weeping. However, its as if mummy ever took care of me before.
I know mummy would be gone, and im worry and scared deep down. Im already 10 this year, yet the thought of having someone to leave me was a complete stranger to me. However, mama and I were never close, i realli dont feel the sadness that i should feel. Mama was always in her room, weeping for daddy, for her lovers, for herself and Ella but never for me.
I always wanted her attention, i tried ways, to fell down on purpose, to get into fights but instead of lecturing me or stroking my hair, she would failed me with those words, 'Kids should never get into trouble. Adults should moreover take care of themselves. You are big enough, its your turn to take care of yourself.' I simply cannot find any warmth in these words. SOmetimes, i felt that perhaps im nt important, perhaps my presence is redundunt, perhaps, shes nt my mum after all.
Now mummy was going to be gone, maybe finally, i will feel the lost. Feeling lost means that at least she once meant to me so much or at least without her, i could not accomplish something. Would I? I begin to doubt that question...